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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes relationships don't work out because of timing, but most of the time it's because someone is an asshole."

"What did she say while cleaning herself after sex? Well, that's a load off my shoulder"

"[Giraffe Weatherman] ""Yes Bob, we have a major blizzard happening up here but *giraffe lowers head* on the ground we're still looking good."""

"I was bullied in high school by the X men. No, not the group of crime fighting mutants, but a bunch of transgender females who were better at sports than I was."

"There was an explosion at the world's largest sprinkles factory earlier today. Fortunately there have been no fatalities, but the number of injured are reported to be in the hundreds and thousands."

"How do you know you put the right joke in the right thread? Don't worry, someone will tell you."

"My wife does a HILARIOUS John Goodman impression. Doesn't hurt that she looks exactly like him."

"A giraffe walks into a bar... Says, ""High balls on me!"""

"""How would you describe the woman who attacked you?"" *Describes mother* *Gets a copy of picture* *Gives it to mum as late birthday present*"

"Sometimes, eating is very similar to driving. You trust stale greens"