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Joke of the Day

"I've got a new pet salamander.. I named it Tiny because it is my newt"

"During your interview, try ending every sentence with ""dot jpg"". ""How would you say you handle job pressure?"" --Not a problem.jpg"

"Slavery is such an ugly word... I prefer the term lifetime unpaid internship."

"I fired my masseur today. He just rubbed me the wrong way."

"It's all fun and games until Canada is in charge of the fun and games."

"Dumb and Nobody in class... Dumb: Teacher!! Teacher!! Nobody is bothering me. Teacher: Kid, are you dumb? Dumb: Yes."

"What do you get when you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber? Nothing, you can't cross a vector and a scalar."

"In Florida, a couple has been accused of making meth in a public library. Isn't that crazy? Florida has a library. -Conan Monologue June 12, 2014"

"I saw a BMW driving safely and being respectful of other drivers today. That was the joke."

"""I am the perfect age for this shit."" -- Roger Murtaugh, age 22"