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Joke of the Day

"Act now to enjoy a false sense of urgency!"

"DOG 911: What's your emer- DOG: HE THREW A BALL BUT I CAN'T FIND IT DOG 911: He still holding it? DOG: YES! HOW'D HE FETCH IT BEFORE ME??"

"I contacted Screwfix the other day. Once again they have assured me they're not a dating agency."

"AT THE DOOR Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first? A: The dog -- at least he'll quiet down after you let him in."

"What do you call a spy who is into BDSM? James Bondage."

"What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all your devices & access your data, and the other is a hardware standard."

"Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mine?"

"What is the difference between a feminist and a walrus? A walrus has at least two valid points."

"The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn't just ""lay in bed and watch TV all day"" I traveled very far thank u"

"It seems those Trump supporters... Have some egg on their faces"