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Joke of the Day

"Act now to enjoy a false sense of urgency!"

"I have a friend named Jay. We call him J for short."

"A snake walks into a bar And the bartender asks ""How did you do that?"""

"My shy father was killed by a falling piano. His funeral was very low key."

"Guys, I only wanna hear about your ex if she is dead.If you still talk about her, I'll murder her so we can have an interesting conversation"

"How is American beer like having sex in a canoe? Because it's fucking close to water."

"Frodo and Sam are going to start a band... Called; Imagine Baggins"

"Chuck Norris can't fly... But he does it anyway."

"Adrian Peterson regrets leaving marks on his son after the spanking... ... and that's the bottom line."

"I just saw a pizza delivery guy get in a terrible accident. I feel so bad. Someone's just sitting around, wondering where their pizza is."