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Joke of the Day
"If you ever get attacked by a bear, throw your shark at it. Also, get a shark."
Next Joke
"Man, that's a cold joke... but, Icee what you did there."
"*gives joke answer to daughter's 75th consecutive question* [20 years later, she's in an office] ""Everyone knows the moon was built in 1973"""
"met the cutest girl today. her eyes were gentle, like the light from a phone screen and her smile glowed, like the light from a phone screen"
"How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in a microwave until it's Bill Withers."
"I was lucky enough to meet and have an excellent conversation with the worlds leading brain surgeon. Best cab ride ever."
"Neat how we spend so much time and money on the war against pot but there are people driving around with eyelashes and antlers on their cars"
"I bring Mayweather with me when I work at customer service... Because he's great at avoiding fights."
"Well this is new. A pigeon just shit on my phone as I was texting."
"There are three rings in marriage The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering."