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Joke of the Day
"Well this is new. A pigeon just shit on my phone as I was texting."
Next Joke
"Rape jokes aren't funny. Ask a rape victim if they think rape jokes are funny. They'll say no. Not like that ever did them any good though."
"What did the black boy say when he had diarrhea? I'm melting!"
"Q: Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier? A: To promote off-shore drilling."
"People with eyebrow, nose, and lip piercings always look like they landed face-first into a tackle box."
"I got my born-again mother an FML shirt for Christmas. Telling her it means Father, My Lord."
"New Study Suggests Drinking Coffee Is Good For Your Health. Wait, I Think We Did Good For Your Health Last Time. Bad For Your Health, Then"
"Me: *Reaches over, cuts up food, says ""open wide"" & starts making airplane noises* Guy: *stunned silence* -Single Mama on a date"
"What did the annoyed husband tell his wife after she saw elk falling from the sky? *Sigh* That's not elk... That's just reindeer."
"What is Hillary Clinton's stance on Islamic State? That depends on what the definition of ISIS."