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Joke of the Day

"[At a child's birthday party, holding a poorly taxidermied possum] I heard someone likes stuffed animals!"

"Why do they only put expiration DATES on food? It'd be fun as hell if they gave us the exact time too. ""We got 8 minutes to eat this ham!!!"""

"Someone just honked to get me to get out of my parking spot faster so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead"

"I wanted to watch the inauguration today But Eisenhower late."

"What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator."

"How do norwegians catch rabbits in norway? They hide in a bush, and make carrot sounds."

"How do you get a hippie off your door step? Pay for the pizza and close the door."

"Does the KKK still exist? Yeah, they just changed their name to the LAPD..."

"What system do they teach in Hamburger High's math courses? The meatric system silly!"

"Q. What's the difference between 'weather' and 'climate'? A. You can 't 'weather' a tree but you can 'climate'!"