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Joke of the Day

"[At a child's birthday party, holding a poorly taxidermied possum] I heard someone likes stuffed animals!"

"Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them"

"Why shouldn't you buy Ukrainian underpants? Cos Chernobyl fall out"

"So I just heard there is a disease killing off the Alligator population in Florida. They all got Gatorades."

"[in hell] Me: *sneeze* The devil: bless you Me, waving as I float to heaven: haha, fool the devil: DAMN YOU Me, floating back to hell: dang"

"Did you hear about the guy who went to the convention of legless women? He heard the place was crawling with pussy."

"What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? They've both swallowed a lot of seamen."

"I was talking to my friend earlier. I thought, ""Why on earth are you called Earlier?"""

"I take karate classes solely to fight off hobos who mistake my man bun for a delicious cinnamon roll"

"No I LITERALLY want to butter your hot cherry muffin. A euphe-what? Listen to Miss Community College over there."