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Joke of the Day

"Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them"

"What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek? If we stick together we can stop this crap!"

"May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning"

"Love is one long sweet dream... and marriage is the alarm clock."

"Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?"

"My new record in a 100 m sprint Is 52 meters."

"Riding in the car with a chiropractor... ... when he clearly takes the wrong exit. I ask why and he says... ""I'm not driving us under there! You wanna get carpool tunnel syndrome!?"""

"Looks like Brenda in Accounting drew on her angry eyebrows today..."

"Why did Jennifer cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing her seat belt"

"Snapple's made from ""The Best Stuff on Earth."" Really? Heroin-laced Nutella?"