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Joke of the Day

"The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty."

"Millions of Thanksgiving turkeys recalled. It seems that someone forgot to butter their balls before they left the factory."

"ME: I'VE BEEN SHOT TAYLOR SWIFT: Aw here are some band aids ME: THOSE DON'T FIX BULLETHOLES TS: *picks up guitar* ...brb ME: I'M STILL DYING"

"Where does a snowman keep his money? In the snowbank. I'll see myself out.."

"Remember, Kids... If you can't say anything nice, well, it's probably hilarious and worth getting into trouble over anyway."

"A doctor says, ""I have bad news, and very bad news."" ""What's the bad news?"" Asked the patients. ""You only have 24-hours to live."" ""And the really bad news?"" I should have told you yesterday."

"We need a new name for the Bible. How about: DIY Salvation"

"GOT knock knock Knock knock? Who's there? No one. No one, who? Jk it's Arya Stark. I'm out, Jaqen H'ghar."

"For my food service workers out there: How many servers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? That's not my fucking sidework!"

"*Closes app. Immediately reopens the same app*"