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Joke of the Day

"We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not."

"You have a life"

"What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing. They are both stuck-up cunts."

"Did you hear about the guru who refused to let the dentist use Novocain to numb his mouth? The guru said he wanted to transcend dental medication"

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger, and a Scottish farmer? Mick Jagger says 'Hey, you, get off of my cloud' The Scottish farmer says 'Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe'"

"I like my girlfriends how I like my wine... 10 years old and locked in a cellar"

"'You boy !' called a policeman.' Can you help ? We're looking for a man with a huge red nose called Cotters......' 'Really ?' said the boy. 'What're his ears called ?'"

"What did the physics professor shout when he disproved Hooke's Law in early to mid March? Spring break!"

"The New York Yankees Officially Sign Adrian Peterson They needed a good switch hitter."

"I only make my food from the natural ingredients, like uranium and asbestos"