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Joke of the Day

"If you say ""My Cocaine"" out-loud, you are also saying ""Michael Caine"" in his own voice - MIND OFFICIALLY BLOWN"

"Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America ? On their feet !"

"What do you get if you cross a soldier and a scientist? A marine biologist."

"""Fucking hell, I've only been in prison a short while and look how much my grass has grown. ""Stop dicking around, Oscar, put your legs back on."""

"Girl, are you wearing a diaper? Cause I wanna fuck the shit out of you."

"ME: look a possum HER: actually it's spelled opossum ME: you don't no how I spelled it, we're talking HER: actually it's spelled know"

"Q: What did Tarzan shout when he saw the elephants coming up over the hill while wearing sunglasses? A: Nothing. He did not recognize them."

"If Elsa could bring snow to life why didn't she make herself some pets? I'd have like 50 snowcats by now."

"Don't try ""to"" tell me how to use quotation marks."

"Opinions are like Assholes... Everyone has one, and some just taste better than others."