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Joke of the Day

"I tried using self deprecating humor But I'm not any good at it."

"If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost."

"I like my women like I like my coffee! Ground up and in the freezer."

"So I caught my dog chewing on a tree yesterday. He said the bark was really rough."

"What's the Vatican City's favorite snack? popecorn"

"Coffee... If you're British, it may not be your cup of tea."

"I'm still learning my pronouns... But that is neither here nor there."

"Held the door open for a japenese women today she said ""sank you"" I replied ""we blew you up"" She hit me with her walking stick... Apparently she meant thank you Edit: grammar mistake"

"PRESIDENT OBAMA: I pardon this turkey- TURKEY: Nope. I'm ready. 2016 was a shit show. Kill me now"

"Tip: ""At the same time"" has more characters than ""simultaneously."" The point is, having a vocabulary helps you tweet gooder."