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Joke of the Day

"PRESIDENT OBAMA: I pardon this turkey- TURKEY: Nope. I'm ready. 2016 was a shit show. Kill me now"

"Rubbing my ass on these documents because the boss's email says to ""cheek his paperwork""."

"Wow!!! I farted into my iPhone and Siri told me what I had for breakfast."

"I just read somewhere that Reddit is dead I think I misreddit"

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It may take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid by this chick."

"*tries to take off date's bra* If you- *tries again* If- *again* If you would take off the hulk gloves this would be easier *looks up* NEVER"

"The ancient Egyptians had strict burial requirements which may or may not have included being dug up & displayed in a museum years later."

"""Look who comes crawling back to apologize."" ""I am so sorry, can I please have my wheelchair back now?"""

"Cat saves kid? Please. My cat would've pushed me into traffic, stolen my identity, & would be living it up in Mexico by now."

"Eating clocks is probably the most time consuming thing you could ever do."