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Joke of the Day

"Held the door open for a japenese women today she said ""sank you"" I replied ""we blew you up"" She hit me with her walking stick... Apparently she meant thank you Edit: grammar mistake"

"Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was out standing in his field"

"Why did the tree install solar panels? It wanted to be a power plant."

"I never try to make guests feel at home. If they wanted to feel at home, they should have stayed there."

"As a Florida resident... at least I'll have medical marijuana to treat the fucking cancer this election has given me. I won't even need a lighter, seeing as the country is already on fire."

"If I text you first you are probably amazing."

"Actually, I don't think you're dyslexic; just really, really stupid. "

"Did you hear about Stevie Wonder getting a cheese grater for his birthday? He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read."

"What do New York McDonald's employees and people who read Ulysses have in common? Liberal Arts Degrees."

"What did one plane said to the other plane? Can I crash at your place?"