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Joke of the Day

"What can be found in a cannibal's shower? head & shoulders"

"A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos! Unfortunately she's had a lot of problems with squatters."

"[at interview] ""ok 1st question you're on a submarine you find a dog, what do you call him"" umm ""..."" subwoofer? ""welcome to the navy seals"""

"Had a skype interview yesterday and I completely avoided the fact that I am actually a centaur"

"The difference between a wife and a mistress? The mistress says ""Oh, darling - that was *wonderful*!"", and the wife says ""Beige. I think we'll paint the ceiling beige..."""

"17: If I was gay would you still love me? Me: Of course. 17: If I committed crimes? Me: Yes. 17: If I voted for Trump- Me: Dead to me."

"Mother-in-law: I baked two kinds of cookies today. Would you like to take your pick? Son-in-law: No thanks. I'll just use the hammer."

"Did you hear about the barefoot bridegroom? He got cold feet."

"When I see JUST MARRIED I like to think it means 'only married' like there are higher types of commitment but they just settled for marriage"

"Did you hear that Castro's body double retired? He was tired of playing second Fidel."