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Joke of the Day

"The difference between a wife and a mistress? The mistress says ""Oh, darling - that was *wonderful*!"", and the wife says ""Beige. I think we'll paint the ceiling beige..."""

"I saw a list of what things cost in the 1930s. Great Depression or not, I find it hard to believe people couldn't afford a 20 cent steak."

"The richest man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least."

"If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling."

"Scientists have looked into claims of widespread mansplaining... Turns out it's usually just an ovaryaction."

"My love is like a candle... Because if you forget about me I will burn your fucking house to the ground."

"If I was an engineer, I would turn emo. My inventions would be ""Cutting Edge"""

"Nothing worse than meeting the right person at the wrong time in your life."

"*sits* This is nice. *stands* This is also pretty cool. *lays down* Oh okay this is my favorite."

"The news said a condom truck overturned, spilled its huge load and made a big mess. I don't know if it got cleaned up because I fell asleep."