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Joke of the Day

"Not to brag, but I can still fit into my high-school girlfriend."

"I saw a guy in a Prius run out of gas... instead of giving him a ride,, I sent him positive energy & world peace cause that means more to him"

"I ate a donkey steak today It tasted like ass"

"If you think 7 years of bad luck is too much for breaking a mirror ... try breaking a condom."

"Why are people who work in IT amazing at relationships and sex? When there is a problem they just turn them off and back on"

"I tried clicking on the 'NEW' tab... It just said 'Nothing to see here'."

"It's embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn't sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing."

"Did you hear about the clumsy thief who stole sculptures of famous people's heads? He eventually got busted."

"*locks hands with stranger in elevator* im nervous, this is my first time flying"

"DAD: Your mother and I love you very much, and I'm not sure how to tell you this, but... you're adopted. DOG: OMG THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE"