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Joke of the Day

"I saw a guy in a Prius run out of gas... instead of giving him a ride,, I sent him positive energy & world peace cause that means more to him"

"So a rapist, pedphile and a priest walk into a bar... He orders a beer"

"What do you call a pirates thong? A whispering eye patch."

"Interviewer: Your resume only has ""Mad"" under ""Skills"" Me: Yeah boyee Interviewer: *tears up* You're just what we need. Welcome to Subway."

"[first day as tour guide on the moon] Me: keep your hats on Guy at the back: um they're called helmets Me: yeah you can take your hat off."

"I had sex for an hour and 45 seconds last night. Thanks daylight savings!"

"[Computer Games] Enemy: Where have you learned aiming? Response: In programming course."

"why does a one story whorehouse make more money than a two story? theres no fucking overhead..."

"Why are the old trees always yelling? They were all petrified."

"My son was on eBay this morning No bids yet"