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Joke of the Day

"My wife said she wants to be treated like gold on her birthday. Apparently, locking her in the safe wasn't what she had in mind."

"My friend asked me how I know the smell of a wet dog since I'm a Muslim and can't have one I told him my girlfriend is a Christian."

"In a Mediterranean restaurant...(xpost /r/puns) What did the sick chef say to the bus boy? ""Oh man, I feelafal"""

"Two Sausages are Frying in a Pan... ...And one of them says to the other, 'Fuck me, it's hot in here!', to which the other replies 'FUCK ME, *A TALKIN' SAUSAGE!!!*'"

"I wanna write a tweet that is so good that I can retire and just live off the retweets for the rest of my life."

"Most technology problems can be fixed two ways: 1) Turn it off and on. 2) Don't be an idiot."

"Mexican joke Juanita's teacher told her to go home and do an essay so she went home and did an ese."

"PILOT OVER INTERCOM: alright folks, by a show of hands, who has ever made a small and understandable mistake?"

"There's a banana and a vibrator on a table... The banana turns to the vibrator and asks: ""Hey, why are you trembling? It's not *you* they're going to eat!"""

"A law student walks into the bar... ...and passes with flying colors."