47797

Joke of the Day

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It might take a while for me to get hard. I just got laid."

"Wife: Have you seen my stilettos? Me [6 inches taller and struggling to stand]: Uh *stumble* No"

"If Lance Armstrong can't keep his awards he should just take his ball and go home."

"Go ahead, call the cops, lady. I got ten witnesses that'll say your baby kicked me first."

"Two gays are on an elevator One of them says ""Ew! It smells like dick in here!"" ""Sorry,"" says the other. ""I burped""."

"What did Hitler say when he got a 10 kill streak? Get reiched."

"My life would be so much easier if i wasn't intelligent enough to realize how fucking stupid some people are."

"How much time does a black woman takes to take out the trash? 9 months"

"Husband: Can I use your phone? Me: *throwing phone in the ocean* My what?"

"What do dyslexic soldiers get after war? PDTS"