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Joke of the Day

"My life would be so much easier if i wasn't intelligent enough to realize how fucking stupid some people are."

"Spent all day doing one of my favorite things ever - not dying. Score."

"What do you call a psychoanalysis game show? Family Freud"

"Ladies call me ""the turkey sandwich"" because I seem bland and boring at first, but then I continue to be boring."

"If you throw away an ice sculpture, is it justice?"

"I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why."

"Trump: ""I'll win the latino vote"""

"How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it into the microwave until its Bill Withers."

"People who talk to themselves are more intelligent then those who don't. Well that's what I like to tell myself anyway."

"Last year I ate out alone on Valentine's Day. To avoid embarrassment, I yacked the whole time with a lovely couple the next table over."