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Joke of the Day

"What do you call when a female physicist decides to try dating women for a change? The double slit experiment."

"I don't make typos. I make new words."

"I won't visit /r/aww Its nothing but kitty porn"

"Your Mom is so old... She had to use her own face for emoticons."

"I asked a homeless woman if I could take her home. She shyly said yes.... so I took her cardboard box and left."

"I tied a string around my finger to remind me about World Leprosy Week, but it fell off."

"Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they could spend years at C."

"Zombies are a fun reminder that the first thing people want to do when they're dead and beyond the law is murder everyone in sight."

"""Aww. You guys... And it's not even my real birthday! #flattered ."" -Jesus"

"So a racist pig, a sexist idiot, and a pot-smoking socialist run for president. I am so sorry America. There is no happy ending here."