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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma'am? Me: No, I'm just dizzy b/c I'm having a heavy flow day. It's really clotty and... Cop: You're free to go."

"What does a witch do if her broom is stolen ? She calls the flying squad !"

"What bird can write underwater? A ball-point Penguin!"

"What was Hitler favorite TV show? The Amazing Race"

"""You can be anything!"" Okay I'm going to be Kanye west ""Josh that's not what I meant"" Shhhh *puts my finger to her lips* It's Kanye now"

"I can never write a joke without being criticized about the punchline So fuck you guys"

"3 old ladies go to a baseball game with a bottle of liquor. They finish the bottle...what inning is it and what are the circumstances on the field? Bottom of the fifth and all the bags are loaded."

"Maggi is the girlfriend of the food world. It says 2 minutes but never gets ready in less than 20 minutes."

"So I went around to a friends house... And on his mantle was a bronze statue of an animal butt. When I asked him about it he said it was a catastrophe."

"How many non-sequiturs does it take to change a light bulb? Yes"