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Joke of the Day

"Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands... Police say that he topped himself."

"I accidentally called it an eternity scarf instead of an infinity scarf and now I have to drink my Starbucks outside."

"Why do abortion clinics make bad OP's? ... because they don't deliver..."

"I hate people who say 'age is just a number'... Age is clearly a word."

"heard about the toilet that quit his job? he was tired of dealing with that shit every day"

"One of the great pleasures of living in a city is walking by a pile of bloody clothes and thinking, ""Someone else will take care of this."""

"Why did Dracula need medicine? Because he was coffin."

"Me: Cleaning up is a superpower. Don't you want to be a superhero? 5-year-old: I'll just be a bad guy."

"Why are female schoolteachers always so angry? They have periods every half hour!"

"I came home to find shit all over my rug. Owning a dog would really help me feel better right about now."