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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally called it an eternity scarf instead of an infinity scarf and now I have to drink my Starbucks outside."

"3 days ago I got a pass-code lock that takes a picture whenever someone enters the wrong code in my phone. So far I have 26 pictures of drunk me."

"What did the homeless yogi say when told to leave the yoga studio? Nah, I must stay."

"A therapist and his client play a word association game and the therapist asks, ""What's the first word that comes to mind after the word 'pork'?"" ...he responds, ""U pine."""

"Sometimes I use big words I don't understand to make myself look more photosynthesis"

"The person who took my sneakers while I was on the jumpy castle at McDonald's Please grow up."

"A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby. Say farmer. Is that bull safe? Well he's a lot safer than you are right now!"

"Why will there never be an Asian president? Because the American people could never make it through the erection without raughing."

"If you see an Apple store getting robbed.... Does that make you an iWitness?"

"People drinking wine in nice restaurants at 2:30 pm - Who are you and how do you get the time and money? Teach me."