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Joke of the Day

"*crawls out of your television and tries to kill you* I'm not like other girls."

"Teenager: Bae swag YOLO Me: In better times, people who spoke gibberish like that were burned as witches."

"Where do werewolves live? In werehouses."

"I'm currently in a very serious relationship ,we don't even smile ."

"The worst thing about being bjtten by a spider is that you're probably australian"

"What is atheism? A non-prophet religion Edit: Replace the word ""religion"" with ""set of beliefs"" if you're picky about that sort of thing"

"I hate it when I have lots of visitors but only enough chloroform for one and have to use it on myself."

"You guys was right about Donald Trump harming the environment He's already making snowflakes melt!"

"I like my coffee the way I make the women in my life... Dark and bitter."

"If God doesn't believe in himself... Does that make him an atheist or does he just have low self-esteem?"