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Joke of the Day

"I'm split on the topic of abortion.... On one hand I don't want to give women rights. But on the other hand I love killing babies."

"[maybe NSFW] How can you tell that a porn star works at your local gas station? Right before he's done filling the tank he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the trunk of your car."

"Which US state has the smallest soft drinks? Minisoda"

"What music service do potatoes like to use? Spudify."

"Always the barmaid, never the bar."

"The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home."

"BREAKING NEWS: Overworked Janitor Sweeps the Nation."

"What happened to the dinosaurs that first was aware of the metheorite? The where petrified."

"Despite being brought up as a catholic, I was never molested when I was younger... ...yeah, I was a pretty ugly child."

"It's like my father always used to say, ""[years of silent disappointment]"""