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Joke of the Day

"NOBODY MOVE THIS IS A ROBBERY! *other robber looks over at me* dude no you can move. We talked about this. Get the money"

"something that I miss about being a child is people asking me what my favourite shape is. adults don't do this.it's a rhombus. u don't care"

"""Please punch in your account number, phone number and the last four digits of your social security, so I can transfer you so they can ask you for those same numbers again!"""

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Ann ! Ann who ? Ann-onymous !"

"Whenever one door closes, another opens. ..perhaps the one who built the house didn't do a good job."

"A guy escaped from the lunatic asylum. He broke into the local laundromat, banged the female assistant and ran off. Headline in the local newspaper next day read, ""Nut Screws Washer and Bolts""."

"A prostitute worked her shift on a Saturday. Approximately eight fucks were given that day."

"I went to see a Topless Ventriloquist last weekend. She was awesome. I didn't see her lips move once."

"What do you get when you cross a muppet with the Loch Ness monster? Messie Thank you and goodnight."

"What's the one movie that Rick Astley won't let you borrow? He's never gonna give you Up."