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Joke of the Day

"Overheard a phone conversation today **Father** - ""What has a small dick and hangs down? **Son** - ""What?"" **Father** - ""A bat. What has a big dick and hangs up?"" **Son** - ""What?"" ""click"""

"A mexican walks into a wall, what breaks first? His lawnmower. A jew runs into a wall, what breaks first? His nose."

"What is green and goes backwards at 1000 miles per hour/ (Snorts)"

"Why girls want to be mermaids 1. No pants 2. No periods 3. Perfect hair 4. You get to lure men to their deaths 5. Free clam bra"

"After 5 years of marriage. After 5 years of marriage I found out my wife has 2 incomes, hers and mine....."

"I just whispered Beetlejuice 3 times and Michael Keaton showed up and asked for a job."

"Dad: ""Go to your room now!"" Child: *storms off* ""Jim Morrison was overrated!"" Dad: ""What did I tell you about slamming the Doors?!"""

"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste."

"What do you call it when you run out of seed? Endosperm."

"Parenting Tip: Wear clothing with pockets so you can flip off your children inconspicuously."