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Joke of the Day

"I just whispered Beetlejuice 3 times and Michael Keaton showed up and asked for a job."

"*holds flashlight under chin Me: suddenly the mystery of... Son: haha Dad has like 3 chins *drops flashlight Me: SANTA CLAUS IS FAKE!!"

"Ugh. ""What's wrong honey?"" My bad knee is acting up again. *knee robs a gas station*"

"Q: What does Clinton do to lose weight? A: Runs away from the draft."

"What did phenolphthalein do when he couldn't understand his Chemistry homework? He just added Acetic Acid until it became clear."

"Close the door. You're letting the wifi out."

"So Nicole Scherzinger has went from Lewis Hamilton to Ed Sheeran... Well, you know what they say... Orange is the new black."

"I'm thinking about selling my vacuum cleaner... ... All it does is collect dust."

"There are two rules for success: 1) Never reveal everything you know."

"What did they change the name of the gay bar in Orlando to? No Pulse"