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Joke of the Day

"Store: help wanted Me: *applies for job* Store: ""no, not you"""

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"Cry if you missed someone. Try to shoot them again before they leave."
"Cops in movies keeping guard outside hospital rooms have a 0% success rate."
"Well, I was going to make a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy..."
"What's that there? got you"
"My girlfriend broke up with me because of my obsession with Linkin Park But in the end, it doesn't even matter."
"The inventor of distorted mirrors has passed away. His funeral will be held in asymmetry."
"So I've been tossing up between becoming a meteorologist or a scout master. But I don't know weather or knot.."
"Was The Little Mermaid directed by a pilot? Because it's mostly Ariel footage."
"Ive been married twice... my first wife died of mushroom poisoning and my second wife died of a fractured skull. She didnt like mushrooms."