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Joke of the Day

"Ive been married twice... my first wife died of mushroom poisoning and my second wife died of a fractured skull. She didnt like mushrooms."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Button ! Button who ? Button in is not polite !"

"Its ridiculous that Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his anger issues and not for his amazing & realistic paintings of fake tunnels."

"4yo: Can I have some more Easter candy? Me: After lunch 4yo: I want lunch right now. I'm starving!! Me: We just ate breakfast 4yo: Starving!"

"If you've ever wondered what it's like to try to dress a jelly fish, here, try to get pants on my toddler"

"how do you get pikachu onto a bus You Pokemon"

"How are tornadoes and women alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and they take the whole damn house when they leave."

"New study shows that homosexuals care more about marriage than straight people. When they propose, they get down on both knees."

"I wish my work would pay me to tweet all weekend like they do all week."

"How do you stop millions of children from going to bed hungry every night? Take away their beds..."