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Joke of the Day

"Exposing myself to different cultures has an entirely different meaning than I thought. *puts trench coat back on*"

"Armed man come in to the bank an told everyone to be cool, so i put my shades on an lent against the wall... Fucker still shot me!"

"What's the hardest thing about finding a dead baby on the beach? Hiding the erection."

"Why shouldn't you wear Ukrainian underwear? Chernobyl fall out"

"Q: What does Santa call his wife at tax time? A: A dependent Claus."

"At marathons I like to put glitter in cups so when participants grab one and throw it in their face they get a party instead of hydration"

"Hotel guest to desk clerk: ""I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."" Desk clerk: ""No, it's regular porn you sick fuck."""

"Did you hear about the idiot who had a new bath put in? The plumber said ""Would you like a plug for it?"" The idiot replied ""Oh I didn't know it was electric."""

"*breaks into your house at night* *finds your bedroom* *blows on you til you wake up* HI I'M CHET CAN I INTEREST YOU IN A SECURITY SYSTEM?"

"Wedding rehearsals, because ruining your life takes practice."