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Joke of the Day

"*breaks into your house at night* *finds your bedroom* *blows on you til you wake up* HI I'M CHET CAN I INTEREST YOU IN A SECURITY SYSTEM?"

"What do you call somebody who's attracted to vagrants? A hobosexual."

"Today sucked so much it featured a guest verse from Pitbull"

"Some women wear larger shirts to make their bodies feel smaller... I wear smaller condoms to make my penis feel larger"

"What did Captain Picard call his poop? Captain's log"

"I used to be an Uncle like you... ...Until I took an arrow to the niece."

"You're doing really well now please pull into this liquor store do you want anything? -Me as a Drivers Ed teacher"

"What is the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? In the case of the bmw, the pricks are on the inside."

"Was out on the golf course and shot an eagle at Hole 9. Mom doesn't believe me, but wait till she sees the eagle."

"Santa, Tooth Fairy, easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde.. are all around a $100 bill, who gets it? The dumb blonde, because the rest are all imaginary..."