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Joke of the Day

"Hey other men: I'm tweeting this from your mom's phone. The implication being that she's sexually promiscuous: a big insult in our culture."

"My doctor said he needed a stool sample from me. The timing was perfect. I was about to go to Ikea anyway"

"Thanks to home security commercials, I am now terrified of middle aged white men."

"I hate having to brush my teeth every morning. I must be the only person in the world with hairy teeth."

"(boom boom clap) (boom boom clap) Daisy you're a dog you're a good dog Playing in the park Gonna eat some cool bugs today"

"What do lesbian couples do once a month? Finger paint."

"""I just got a fruit juicer because they say juicing adds years to your life... ...What they don't tell you is the years you add juicing, you lose cleaning you juicer."" -Kyle Dunnigan-"

"I don't think I should get a brain transplant... But in the end I changed my mind."

"Don't you hate it when... ....You're giving a handjob to another guy and he turns out to be a gay ass fagot."

"How is snow white? -Pretty good according to the 7 dwarfs"