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Joke of the Day

"You had a flat tire on the highway? What was that like? [cut to: me crying helplessly until AAA arrives] Your survival instincts take over"

"Taco Bell is human Drano"

"My girlfriend told me that I am immature and need to grow up Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore"

"I love when people say to me... Omg! Your so funny on FB. If they only knew about my awesome copy & paste ability..They could be just as funny!"

"I highly recommend anything. - Stoners."

"I don't understand poor people They keep saying they have ""nothing"", then when there's a flood ot a fire, they say they lost ""everything""."

"What do you get when you cross Pizza with a Bike? A Piecycle."

"Shoulder blades sound way more awesome than they are."

"I asked a poor pirate why he had a seagull on his shoulder instead of a proper parrot. ""Arrrr...it were on sail.'"

"Why is there a flap on the back of the Navy uniform? So the Marine have something to hold on to."