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Joke of the Day

"I asked a poor pirate why he had a seagull on his shoulder instead of a proper parrot. ""Arrrr...it were on sail.'"

"A baby came out of my stomach and I was all ""weird, I don't remember eating that..."""

"im dating: britney spears rn"

"What does a British midget get when he is told he is going to be crucified? He gets a little cross."

"If you love a cat, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep. If it doesn't, you drove far enough."

"What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks? Half calf"

"What's the difference between a thief and a peeping Tom? Well, a thief snatches watches..."

"So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I'm pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood."

"Fucking dick shit condoms"

"If you had to choose between Bill Gates' money and world peace... ...what colour should your porsche be?"