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Joke of the Day

"Q: What do Clinton and JFK have in common? A: They haven't had any brains for the last thirty years."

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"Sit-ups are no fun, sharpie abs are definitely the way to go if you want permanent results."
"[speed dating] HER: So what do you- ME: How fast can you order a pizza? HER: I don't- ME: *hits buzzer* NEXT"
"I have a friend named Jimmy Glasscock You can see it coming."
"My wacky Lutheran parents think my fiance is methane based because they don't belive in carbon dating."
"what do you call a baby donkey in spanish? a burrito."
"I got peanut butter on my camera Now every picture is a jif"
"What do you get when you combine a parrot and a centipede? A walkie talkie!"
"[angrily holding cookie under milk for way too long] Yo whatcha doin bro? [looks him dead in the eye] practicing for you"
"Forget plastic surgery. Enhance your beauty by getting those around you drunk"