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Joke of the Day

"It was only after I started dancing in the food court - alone - that I learned flash mobs are planned..."

"One day I'll pretend to be gay. I'll make lots of female friends, gain their trust. Become their confidant, and when they least expected...BAAM!!! I'll fuck their boyfriends"

"Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)"

"A bear walks into a bar... And he goes up the barman, rests his elbows on the bar, and says ""I'll have a pint... ... of beer please."" And the barman says, ""Why the big pause?"""

"I finally got around to reading that book on watches I got last year It's about time."

"She said I was average. That's just mean."

"Big deal, McDonalds. We're all here for a limited time only."

"Every time you get a haircut, you're essentially returning your last haircut and exchanging it for the exact same thing"

"How do you make a handkerchief dance? You put a little boogie in it!"

"My roommate confronted me yesterday... Do you think I'm a nosy bastard? No! Of course not! Then why did you write that in your diary!"