45945

Joke of the Day

"Not only is my new thesaurus terrible... It's also terrible"

"Why are cell phones like a dog's nipples? You don't have to shout into them."

"Seriously when the crooked hamburger took it on the 1am where did it go? Heidelburg-er Germany!"

"*Killer sneaks into my house to murder me but sees me practicing karate w/ my big stuffed dog I won from the carnival and changes his mind*"

"Everyone seems so happy for you until they realize your baby carrier is just filled with mozzarella sticks."

"Not sure if my cooking skills have improved or taste buds have adapted."

"I don't trust anyone with a beard, especially a woman"

"What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? The Pilot.... you racist fucks"

"'hey babe, you fancy Amazon prime movie and instant video online demand service and chill later?' No thanks dad"

"What's white on top and black on bottom? Society!"