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Joke of the Day

"My parents used to listen to jimmy saville back in the seventies If only they had come into my room and stopped him."

"How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf? He became a vegetarian."

"[whispering to date while watching Disney's Three Little Pigs in 1933] This is taking my mind off The Great Depression"

"I really like that new Westworld show. But sex with robots makes me uncomfortable. Every time I try it - my nuts get pinched in her gearbox"

"What did the guitars do when they were unhappy with their government? Formed a coustic d'etat"

"I wear glasses because I like to dramatically remove them to display anger. It was awkward doing that with contact lenses."

"My signature sandwich is called ""Hamnesia"". I forget what's in it."

"There were two muffins in an oven... One muffin said to the other, ""Boy, it's sure hot in here!"" The other muffin screamed ""AHHHH!!! A talking muffin!!!!!!!"""

"Does anyone know where Engagement, Ohio is? About halfway between Dayton and Marion"

"When is the question also the answer? ""Who gives a fuck?"""