114397

Joke of the Day

"I wear glasses because I like to dramatically remove them to display anger. It was awkward doing that with contact lenses."

"Hello it's 911, what's your emergency?"" ""Two boys are fighting over me"" What is the problem with it? ""The ugly one is winning."""

"How can you tell a cow isn't listening to you? Everything you say goes in one ear and out the udder!"

"I bought my son a trampoline But all he wanted to do was sit and cry in his wheelchair - This was a repost but I thought it was too funny not to share"

"Jewish football What's the worst part about having an all Jewish football team? You have to replace the whole team every time they take a shower"

"person texting me: hey I'm outside me: [covered in glue and accidentally tripping onto a pile of several thousand photos of you] uh HANG ON"

"A complete list of movie roles turned down by Nicolas Cage:"

"What do you call a mentally challenged feather pillow? A downs pillow."

"I am extremely offended by the song ""God is Dead"" by Black Sabbath. How can Ozzy Osbourne possibly sing that? ...when Tony Iommi is standing right next to him, alive and well."

"You have tattoos and curves? *unbuttons pants* You're also batshit crazy? *takes off pants* You listen to Paramore? *puts on clothes*"