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Joke of the Day

"No thanks, fantasy football. I already have a fantasy boyfriend, a fantasy sex life & a fantasy bank account. I'm good."

"What's the difference between Lance Armstrong and Hitler? Lance could finish a race"

"Why don't Mexicans play bridge? Because they're afraid of the trump card."

"I was talking to Marcel Marceau the other day. You know what he said? Nothing he's dead"

"Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant's toes? A: Slow clowns."

"I like long walks on the beach and lying about being married."

"French bakers hate me... ...I feel their pain."

"Politics now a days.... On my college campus people write ""feel the bern"" everywhere so i decided to give Hilary some love and wrote ""feel the clit"" everywhere! I don't see the problem"

"Wife wants to relax today! Wife: Today, I want to relax, so I have brought three movie tickets. Husband: why three tickets? Wife: you and your parents."

"I'll never forget my Granddad's last words before he kicked the bucket. 'How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?'"