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Joke of the Day

"I'll never forget my Granddad's last words before he kicked the bucket. 'How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?'"

"I am so perfect... ... I only have four flaws. 1) I lack humility. b) I'm inconsistent. Finally, I can't count."

"Man asks blonde for coffee without cream. Blonde replies: ""We're out of cream. Would you prefer coffee without milk instead?"""

"Why is it quicker to build a snowman than a snowwoman? It takes too long to hollow out her head. (I got this one from my uncle)"

"When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat ? He was afraid that if he sat down that someone would give him an oar to row !"

"A man like me is hard to find. I trim maze hedges."

"Saying ""I enjoy porn"" is considerably less creepy than saying ""I enjoy watching complete strangers have sex in highly unlikely situations."""

"What did they say about the blind man who got hit by a bus? He never saw it coming."

"Breaking News: Siamese twins sign for Man United."

"Why do they hand out Kleenex at funerals if you're not supposed to jerk off in the back row"