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Joke of the Day

"How do cows go from one town to another? they cowmmute."

"Me:[grabbing my guitar] i wrote this for you. Her: awww. Me:*pulls note out of guitar hole* ""we're out of cereal."""

"Did you hear about Trump's tax plan? Declare that the US has a $900 million loss so we all don't have to pay taxes!"

"9 out of 10 therapist agree to just be yourself The other one realizes that's what got you into this shit in the first place."

"Can't believe it's 2012 and still possible for me to cut myself shaving."

"What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? ""I'm sweet on you!"" "

"The secret to my amazing vegan burgers is real beef."

"Why did the police assault the crowd? Because a-peppering them would make them sneeze!"

"I once lived with a Canadian family for a year... They didn't want me to, but were too polite to ask me to leave!"

"I just googled: how to deal with low frustration tolerance. In the first article, in the first paragraph, I yell at the screen, ""WELL THIS IS JUST FUCKING STUPID!"" True story."