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Joke of the Day

"Q: How is a marriage like a hot bath? A: Once you get used to it it's not so hot."

"We are gathered here today because Somebody ""glares at coffin "" couldn't stay alive."

"I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today... I had to drop the bomb two or three times for her to get the message though."

"Facebook: I'm happy! Instagram: I'm pretty! Vine: I'm artsy! Pinterest: I'm crafty! Twitter: I'm lying everywhere but here."

"Our carbon monoxide detector keeps beeping and waking me up from my nap."

"I came last in a karate competition yesterday I was kicking myself!"

"Born on February 29th of a leap year, I can't legally drink till I'm 84."

"What's the name of the yoga pose where you're hunched over your kitchen sink shoving handfuls of cereal into your mouth?"

"Sometimes a man has needs that can't be fulfilled in the home. [goes to animal shelter and pets all the cats]"

"If Reddit users were Military Weapons... They would be Attention-Seeking Missles."