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Joke of the Day

"Facebook: I'm happy! Instagram: I'm pretty! Vine: I'm artsy! Pinterest: I'm crafty! Twitter: I'm lying everywhere but here."

"Sorry about the typos lately you gays."

"Thanks to Twitter, rock bottom now has a waiting list."

"Dad Joke Dad: (Grabs his chest) Call me an ambulance Son: You are........ an ambulance Dad: Proud of you son."

"*goes into kitchen *makes toast *pours coffee *sits at table *opens Sunday paper ""WHO ARE YOU & WHY ARE YOU IN MY KITCHEN?"" *sighs *leaves"

"How do nuns surf the web? On the Hymnternet."

"Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Their kids haven't ."

"Why aren't there any ""old husband tales""? There are. They just get re-branded as ""logic"" and ""the truth""."

"There's something actionable in your pants."

"Are you ignorant or apathetic ? I don't know, and I don't care..."