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Joke of the Day

"""Blackhat"" opens to just $4M this weekend with a $70M budget, making it the first bomb of 2015. Biggest hack in the movie? Micheal Mann"

"I could never run for a political office I'm too out of shape. I could, however, waddle for a political office"

"What happens to illegally parked frogs? They get toad away."

"Don't bother putting your hand over my mouth to shut me up, I will lick you."

"I'm gonna sell my vacuum cleaner. It's just collecting dust"

"Q: What do you call a judge with no thumbs? A: Justice Fingers."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl taking a whiz? Because the P is silent!"

"So I was in my house masturbating... and my sister comes up to me all indignant like. She asks me what the hell is wrong with me. I reply that she should knock before coming into her room."

"There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.* *Only a fraction of you will understand this."

"How many NRA members does it take to change a lightbulb? More guns."