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Joke of the Day

"Take your time, Officer. I have nothing but respect for the law. Your imminent death on this dark side street can wait."

"Two parrots were sitting on a perch... One turns to the other and says, ""Can you smell fish?"""

"I am forced to give up golf after breaking my leg. I fell off the ball washer."

"*unexpected snow fall* Americans: ""It's the end. The apocalypse is here!"" Canadians: ""Huh...I might need a jacket"""

"I'm Scottish and my son is marrying a Jewish girl. I'm afraid their kids will leave me penniless."

"How do you circumcise a redneck? It's quite simple, really. You kick his sister in the jaw."

"Is anyone on Twitter named Sarah Connor? If so, where do you live? Nothing to worry about, just a simple survey for my neural net processor."

"Some morbid baby jokes What's scarier then ten babies in one jar? A: One baby in ten jars How do you got a baby in a container? A: blend it."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Chad ! Chad who? Chad to make your acquaintance !"

"Auto correct is like when a 3yo kid wants to help wash the car.its a nice gesture but really its just slowing shit down! :)"