45070

Joke of the Day

"Told my dealer I wanted a shitload of Coke but autocorrect changed it to shipload now I owe a Columbian cartel 18 million dollars"

"I destroyed this girls life with my dick tonight I didn't tell her I had advanced HIV"

"What do you call a psychic dwarf that escapes from a prison? A small medium at large."

"What is the date in Germany/Brasil in about a month from now? Germany/Brasil 7-1"

"What do calenders eat? Nothing. Calenders are inanimate objects that are used to keep track of the date and important events."

"People in the UK eat more bananas than monkeys. In 2014 they ate 73,432,384 bananas and only 6 monkeys."

"Companies want ""rockstar"" employees, as rockstars are known for punctuality, even-tempers, and a desire to work in a corporate environment."

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day."

"Have you heard the one about the dog on the roof? You wouldn't get it, it's over your head."

"I just watched a documentary about hydroelectricity Best dam program I've seen in a long time."