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Joke of the Day

"How many NRA members does it take to stop a 6-year-old paraplegic from stealing a candy bar? Nobody knows - they usually lose count at 800 rounds."

"Day 3 of weight loss challenge: all my coworkers look like tacos. I do not understand how the meat remains in the shell as they walk around."

"Someone just called for cleanup in the dairy aisle but I'm the only one here so I dropped the jug of milk I was holding and ran"

"A magic tractor drives down the road.. and turns into a field"

"Life Advice Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."

"I just bought some land with a stranger and now we have a lot in common."

"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."

"Today at work a patient told me he had pyramid shaped cataracts in his eyes He was an old Giza"

"Diet, Day 14: I hate everyone. My children are scared of me & I've repelled everyone else. But I'm starting to really like pears."

"What did Jesus said to his girlfriend in the morning? ''Damn, you really nailed me last night''"